Change.

It's time for something to be different. I've tried a lot to get this study abroad thing off the ground and there's always a door shut in front of me. MAybe I need to acknowledge that as a stop sign instead of trying to push through adversity and jump over hurdles. But that's what my time at CU has been about. It hasn't come easily to me- the grades, the friends, the lifestyle, a general sense of well-being.... and I keep wondering if there's something wrong... somethingI can fix... but I don't think I can fix it.

So I have to options: push through it for the next two years. Or move.

There's not a lot of places I would go because many don't make logical sense (Seattle, Whitworth, NYU, Fargo, etc.). So I figure I'll just stay at CU. That's why study abroad looked like such a good option. It would be a moment of stillness in the midst of the storm, a time of quietness and shalom. And then, after a semester... maybe after a year :), I would go back and finish as best I could at CU. That would be me pushing through. I could do it. I would do it if He told me to. I would stay for as long as He wanted me there.

But what if all of this is coming up here and now for a reason? What if the change of heart happened this last month for a purpose- in preparation for a change? What if He's answering my prayers to move in my life? What if He wants to move my life?

If that's where the Lord is directing, I'm there. I'm so there. It would be a both a relief and a challenge to me- but I'm so down because I know He's walking with me and preparing a road before me- a path for me to walk in. And whether that path is smooth or rocky (for the last few years, it's been a rocky one), He's there- so I'M there.

I don't know the exact spot where You want me, Lord. I think I know... I think the idea You've presented is just about perfect... and I would like that...

YOU lead the way- I'm in.